just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
