And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
