Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize