Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
