As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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