my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
