threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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