**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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