ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
