Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
