I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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