OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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