im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
