this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize