i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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