just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
