if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
don't judge my taste in strippers
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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