We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
