So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
