1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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