there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize