Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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