I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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