Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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