Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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