I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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