made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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