It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
