My liver just broke up with me...
...so i touched it.
you win again, gameday.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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