just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
