i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
