i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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