Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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