I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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