I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
