you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
