he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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