i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
