Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
