I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
