you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
