Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
