Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
