I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
