Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
