Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
