today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am available for nakedness
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
