ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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