Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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