He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize