That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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