i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
