Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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