one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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