i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
