I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
