i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
