none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
