And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
