Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize