We're facebook friends in real life
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
