I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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