i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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