You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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