sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
