Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
