You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
