you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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