If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
