so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
