she smelled like a LAN party
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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