i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
