im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
