before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
