She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A bitchslap is in order.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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