Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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