Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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