Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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