Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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