So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
