yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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