i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
