It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
