today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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