My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
