Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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