Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize