I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
