it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
