We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
