Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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