i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
