I think my fart just growled at me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
