the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize