guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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