i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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