Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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