literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
