this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if only i could text you this smell
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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