her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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