Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
