It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
