I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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