I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
