never play flip cup with pint glasses
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
